She sits in the window.
Sometimes she leans on the railings and cries her heart out. Silent tears, out of devastation, not the need for attention.
Often she just sits and reads.
Yesterday she looked up.
Fuckmefuckmefuckme! All this shit is driving me out of my mind. I was supposed to just stay for a while. Until things got better.
And now I'm stuck in this shit storm.
Neighbours aren't so bad, though.
I wonder why she is so sad. Why does she cry?
I wonder if I dared to say hello if we ever met. No. Most likely not.
There's a flat, just across the road. I can see them in there. Those three guys. They're always smiling. Wonder what they're up to... Especially that one.
Guys say it is stupid, creepy even. Stalking her like that.
But I am not stalking. I observe. I build courage.
There he is again. He looks lonesome. Maybe I should wave.
She saw me. She waved. My hand waved back before I could stop it.
Awkward. What now?
Shitshitshit.
Umm, something, anything.
Would he drink...
What is that? A coffee pan? Unsure nodding. Head, what are you doing? Stop that.
Wait, she is smiling. She is smiling at me.
Can't help smiling.
A gesture towards a cafè on the entrance to the park.
He's picking up his coat.
Is he leaving already?
Now or never.
Out, out! Now, legs!
Is she here? I lost her.
Hi!
Hello.
Friday, 5 April 2019
Nightmare
A little girl sat restlessly in an uncomfortable chair. She didn't like her dress. She was drawing in a sketchbook, bored. She wasn't sure if she liked drawing but she drew anyway. That was the only thing she was allowed to do.
A man wearing an ill-fitting suit stood on the podium, speaking scary words. The girl wasn't paying attention. It was adult things.
"Shh", her Mother hushed when she coloured too hard. She tried to do it more silently.
The man should have stopped by now but he was still talking. The child's Mother poked at her to listen.
"And now", the man said. "This is what we know. The end is truly nigh. Today we must die to make it through."
The girl didn't understand why she had to listen.
A friend of her parents gave her something. It looked like candy, but the colour was sickeningly bright. She looked at it on her tiny palm.
It seemed everyone else was holding their breath. She didn't understand.
A countdown from ten.
She looked at her Mother. She had a glazed expression, a half-smile that wasn't exactly happy.
She looked over her shoulder at her Father. He looked troubled, he was holding a candy too, he stared at it as if it were a problem to be solved.
She looked around. Everyone, she'd ever known was staring transfixed at the man on the podium. He was looking at his watch.
"Now!"
Everyone around the girl raised their hands to their mouths and swallowed the too bright candy. She didn't want to. She raised her hand and tightened her little fist around the thing.
Her friend fell to the ground.
No one moved.
Her brother fell, arms flailing, foaming at the mouth. It looked like he was hurting.
One by one they all fell around her.
Her Mother, her Father, her Grandmother and Grandfather.
Her friends and cousins.
She couldn't decide if they looked more terrified or in pain.
She held the bright thing tightly.
They stopped moving.
Silence fell.
She screamed.
She ran.
She was still screaming and running when a bus driver pulled over to see why a small child was running on the highway on her own.
A little girl woke up, swallowing her sobs. Her Mother and Father were sleeping nearby. Her brother was muttering in his sleep.
Her Grandfather sneezed downstairs.
A puppy-dog came to her, licked the silent tears off her face and she hugged it's warm fur until she fell back to sleep.
Another night, another nightmare.
"Now!"
The order echoed in her little ears.
She swallowed the bright red pill without hesitation.
A moment later she couldn't breathe.
She tore at her collar, gasping for breath.
She fell and all went dark.
A teenager sat up sharply on the sofa where she had fallen asleep. She was covered in cold sweat and her heart was racing.
She got up and sneaked to her bed, quiet as a mouse.
Once more, with feeling.
"Now!"
"No!"
Her little voice echoed in the hall.
"We have to", her Mother said.
She could see her Father leaving his post.
He grabbed her in his arms and held tight. She tried to fight back but she was too weak.
"No, don't! It's bad, don't, please!" she shrieked with all her strength.
Her Mother looked at her Father, nodded, and covered her mouth with her hand.
She bit the hand, dying to live, while tears of terror streamed down her cheeks. She screamed a wordless scream as the unspeakable pain took over her body. Her Mother and Father still looking at each other, lovingly, as life escaped her.
A woman jumped up in a large bed, finally screaming, remembering all.
They were gone.
That wasn't how.
But they were all gone.
"Baby?", a soft, drowsy voice next to her asked, barely awake. "What is it?"
"Nothing", she answered. "Just an old nightmare."
A man wearing an ill-fitting suit stood on the podium, speaking scary words. The girl wasn't paying attention. It was adult things.
"Shh", her Mother hushed when she coloured too hard. She tried to do it more silently.
The man should have stopped by now but he was still talking. The child's Mother poked at her to listen.
"And now", the man said. "This is what we know. The end is truly nigh. Today we must die to make it through."
The girl didn't understand why she had to listen.
A friend of her parents gave her something. It looked like candy, but the colour was sickeningly bright. She looked at it on her tiny palm.
It seemed everyone else was holding their breath. She didn't understand.
A countdown from ten.
She looked at her Mother. She had a glazed expression, a half-smile that wasn't exactly happy.
She looked over her shoulder at her Father. He looked troubled, he was holding a candy too, he stared at it as if it were a problem to be solved.
She looked around. Everyone, she'd ever known was staring transfixed at the man on the podium. He was looking at his watch.
"Now!"
Everyone around the girl raised their hands to their mouths and swallowed the too bright candy. She didn't want to. She raised her hand and tightened her little fist around the thing.
Her friend fell to the ground.
No one moved.
Her brother fell, arms flailing, foaming at the mouth. It looked like he was hurting.
One by one they all fell around her.
Her Mother, her Father, her Grandmother and Grandfather.
Her friends and cousins.
She couldn't decide if they looked more terrified or in pain.
She held the bright thing tightly.
They stopped moving.
Silence fell.
She screamed.
She ran.
She was still screaming and running when a bus driver pulled over to see why a small child was running on the highway on her own.
A little girl woke up, swallowing her sobs. Her Mother and Father were sleeping nearby. Her brother was muttering in his sleep.
Her Grandfather sneezed downstairs.
A puppy-dog came to her, licked the silent tears off her face and she hugged it's warm fur until she fell back to sleep.
Another night, another nightmare.
"Now!"
The order echoed in her little ears.
She swallowed the bright red pill without hesitation.
A moment later she couldn't breathe.
She tore at her collar, gasping for breath.
She fell and all went dark.
A teenager sat up sharply on the sofa where she had fallen asleep. She was covered in cold sweat and her heart was racing.
She got up and sneaked to her bed, quiet as a mouse.
Once more, with feeling.
"Now!"
"No!"
Her little voice echoed in the hall.
"We have to", her Mother said.
She could see her Father leaving his post.
He grabbed her in his arms and held tight. She tried to fight back but she was too weak.
"No, don't! It's bad, don't, please!" she shrieked with all her strength.
Her Mother looked at her Father, nodded, and covered her mouth with her hand.
She bit the hand, dying to live, while tears of terror streamed down her cheeks. She screamed a wordless scream as the unspeakable pain took over her body. Her Mother and Father still looking at each other, lovingly, as life escaped her.
A woman jumped up in a large bed, finally screaming, remembering all.
They were gone.
That wasn't how.
But they were all gone.
"Baby?", a soft, drowsy voice next to her asked, barely awake. "What is it?"
"Nothing", she answered. "Just an old nightmare."
Friday, 19 May 2017
One more thing before you go
Hey, Mum!
You'll be fine
No need to look so worried
Before you know we'll put up those flowers for the summer
Hey, Mum!
Something smarter than "call if you need me"
Something more loving
'Cause we were supposed to see each other again
In a few short hours
Hey, Mum!
Don't!
Come back you bitch!
Don't do that, not you too
Mummy
Your little girl wants one more hug
What am I supposed to do?
You'll be fine
No need to look so worried
Before you know we'll put up those flowers for the summer
Hey, Mum!
Something smarter than "call if you need me"
Something more loving
'Cause we were supposed to see each other again
In a few short hours
Hey, Mum!
Don't!
Come back you bitch!
Don't do that, not you too
Mummy
Your little girl wants one more hug
What am I supposed to do?
Thursday, 18 May 2017
What if?
One more year run by
One less year to tell the lie
Maybe you walk in different worlds
Adventure filled and rich with words
Maybe you travel time in dreams
yet in this time you remain a voiceless scream
This time,
this world
Maybe
An another you
an earlier you
succumbed to the dark
and left you out of spark
What if there is no sequel?
What if life is something
that happens to other people?
One less year to tell the lie
Maybe you walk in different worlds
Adventure filled and rich with words
Maybe you travel time in dreams
yet in this time you remain a voiceless scream
This time,
this world
Maybe
An another you
an earlier you
succumbed to the dark
and left you out of spark
What if there is no sequel?
What if life is something
that happens to other people?
Saturday, 18 February 2017
Things I like
Sloths and salamanders
Stories with vampires
Tireless kittens
and knitted mittens
Purple midnight sky
and black hair dye
I even like being shy
Tight cuddles
and muddy puddles
Thunderstorms
Tiny worms
Sharp knives
Thoughts of previous lives
Sounds in silence
Fictional violence
Candlelight
And when there's no one in sight
Stories with vampires
Tireless kittens
and knitted mittens
Purple midnight sky
and black hair dye
I even like being shy
Tight cuddles
and muddy puddles
Thunderstorms
Tiny worms
Sharp knives
Thoughts of previous lives
Sounds in silence
Fictional violence
Candlelight
And when there's no one in sight
Tuesday, 3 January 2017
Alone
A cry echoed in the space between now and then:
"Alone"
"Alone, alone, alone"
A pain that used to be:
"Need me
want me
love me"
All heard it 'cause all cried it:
"Don't abandon me"
Crowded streets and silent forests all screamed the loneliness of the times.
"Be mine"
"Alone"
"Alone, alone, alone"
A pain that used to be:
"Need me
want me
love me"
All heard it 'cause all cried it:
"Don't abandon me"
Crowded streets and silent forests all screamed the loneliness of the times.
"Be mine"
Thursday, 1 December 2016
..
Night
Knight
Knight in the night
Night in the knight
Nightly knight
in the night of knights
Knighting the night away
in his knightliness
with the night in his eyes
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